A Divided Society: How to Break Out of Polarizing Patterns

In order to break out of patterns of isolation, we need to re-build connection through curiosity.

I’ve been noticing a theme in the world: people are polarized. I’m aware that this is not a new theme. In fact, it’s probably been a point of interest for me for about a decade. But since 2020, polarization seems to have not only intensified as a theme, but has become so entrenched in peoples’ thinking that it has led to a complete villainization of each side to the other.

Remember 2020, when the Covid virus became breaking news on every channel for months, and the government began forcing shut downs, vaccines, and huge restrictions for those choosing not to vaccinate? This period seemed to have separated people into two categories: the rule followers and the skeptic rebels. People became so identified with their category (in terms of what they believed and what people should do) that anyone in the “other” group was seen as the enemy.

Now, this actually makes sense from a cognitive perspective. When the brain becomes overwhelmed with emotion or is in a fight/flight/freeze state, access to the pre-frontal cortex is significantly decreased. The pre-frontal cortex is the part of the brain that carries out “higher level” functions such as critical thinking, planning for the future, controlling impulses, managing working memory, decision making and directing attention (read more). So when we become scared or overwhelmed, we physiologically cannot think as clearly. It’s like diving underwater and opening your eyes- everything is a bit blurred.

When the pre-frontal cortex is shut down, our thoughts and behaviours are directed by older, primitive brain regions, primarily the amygdala and the basal ganglia. This shift in the brain alters us from reflective, thoughtful control to rapid, reflexive survival responses. In cave man language it would sound like “this good, that bad.”

So looking back at the emotional state of the world during Covid, breaking news with death tolls were being flashed across every television daily, places of work were shut down leaving people in tight financial situations, and community access was limited. Sound like the kind of situation that could lead to emotional overwhelm and panic? Many people were experiencing free floating anxiety and this can feel like constant stress in the body.

Anxiety, which acts to keep us alert to potential danger (read more) can be very distressing; especially when it is continuous and unrelenting.

Naturally, society went into a large-scale survival mode, as each individual amygdala was in overdrive, and friends, communities, even families were divided. Sadly, despite time passing and Covid dwindling, many people have remained divided.

I want to shed light on this concept because I believe that understanding can lead to compassion. Deeyah Khan has done amazing work re sitting with the other side and listening with compassion (read more).

No one wants to be reduced to a single viewpoint or belief, yet we so easily do this to others when we are overwhelmed with emotion. If a debate takes place (as many did amongst families during covid) we listen through a lens of judgment and self-righteousness, and then when it’s our turn to speak we counter-attack with contempt. The result is anger, frustration, and ultimately disconnection.

What if there was a different way of conversing with people who hold alternative beliefs than our own? A way that actually fosters understanding, compassion and connection? What if we could learn to listen with curiosity, REAL curiosity, where we dig deeper into someone’s worldview with the sole purpose of understanding, not waiting for our turn so we can try to persuade. What if we could hear someone’s opinion, disagree with that opinion, but NOT throw the baby out with the bathwater (i.e. cut people out because they hold their beliefs that may differ from our own).

At this point it would be easy for you to think to yourself “well, they haven’t been curious about my views so why should I be curious about them?” Or “if they’re not going to listen then neither am I.” And as valid and justified as these thoughts can feel, it is this very framework that continues to perpetuate the separation of people and the polarization of society. So, if we want to continue in these cave man patterns of “me good, you bad,” then let’s keep up the angry debates and continue to villainize the other side. BUT, if we can imagine a better future with more understanding, compassion and connection, why not give curiosity a whirl?

If you want to continue this conversation, work on building connection with others, or are looking to start counselling for whatever is coming up in your life at the moment, schedule your session with Natalie now: